50 Shades of Green: Gardening & Sex
5 ways gardening can boost your sex life
If you know your Jilly Cooper novels, you’ll know that the stable boys are always at it. Finding a lustrous young maiden, charming her with their wily ways and before you know it… well, the expression “roll in the hay” certainly springs to mind.
What is it about Mother Nature that makes us feel so frisky? Plenty, I can tell you. And this post will explain why.
If you’re new to the world of gardening and don’t know your hose from your hoe, this just might make you stand up to attention. Because getting your fingers dirty might just make you a better lover. Here’s why…
1. Exercise = Appetite
It’s true. Back in the day, farmers would come in from cow-milking and field-ploughing to eat a humongous dinner. After a swim at the beach, you suddenly find yourself ravenous. While joggers can justify whatever carb-fest they like, thanks to all the calories they’ve just burnt off.
There’s something about exercising in the fresh air that enhances our appetite. And, funnily enough, it doesn’t just seem to be our hunger for food that increases. Nope, our more carnal cravings often kick in, too!
Maybe it’s all the lovely shiny endorphins you’ve just clocked up. Or the fact that you simply feel better about yourself (ie more desirable) after working up a sweat. In any case, spend a day in the Great Outdoors and, well… you’ll be ready to heat things up indoors, too.
2. Location, location, location
Of course, you might not want to stay indoors at all. Because gardening is all about the joys of fresh air – and it provides ample opportunities for a change of scenery!
It’s time to move matters out of the bedroom. So find your favourite spot in the garden and enjoy christening it! Just beware of any Peeping Toms when you do. 😉
3. It’s great for roleplay
Take a leaf out of any erotic novella and create some sexy characters for you and your special someone. Are they the gardener and you’re the lonely lady of the manor? Or is it a more modern-day take, with the roles reversed – a female gardener and a brooding bachelor?!
Whatever tickles your fancy – get creative! Use your blooming bountiful garden to act as the backdrop to your sexual shenanigans. Just watch out for any thorns in your side… or anywhere else, for that matter. Ouch.
4. It lets you work with your hands
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Because if you’re a skilled and practised gardener, used to pruning and planting and working with your hands… well, surely that’ll serve you well in the boudoir, too!
It’s a joke amongst Lady Greenfingers’ friends that tradesman – carpenters, plumbers, etc – are “good with their hands”. (I’ve been privy to too many book club chats to not have picked up a thing or two!)
But maybe there’s something in it. Work with the tools you’ve been given long enough and who knows what they’ll be capable of. Practise makes perfect, after all!
5. It makes you more attractive
Again, those book club chats have proved most illuminating indeed. (I’ve managed to master the art of invisible eavesdropping!)
Word on the street is that nowadays, ladies don’t just want a “bad boy”. Nope, they want a rogue with a heart. Someone who’s rugged, but mindful. Chiselled, but sensitive. And nothing says Caring Casanova quite like a gardener!
Think about it. You’re out in the garden, working up a sweat in your efforts to create something beautiful. Meanwhile, your lady friend brings you some lemonade to cool you off, which spills on your shirt and then… oops, sorry. Got all lost in one of my favourite roleplays there!
So even if brawn isn’t on your side, use your brain. Get your love interest’s attention with your green-fingered ways instead. Woo them with your weeding skills. And if that doesn’t work, maybe show them your hose. (Sorry. Had to!)
Because being one of those strong ‘n’ sensitive types is pretty damn hot. (That’s what I’m told, anyway.) So throw on your best-tattered shirt and ripped jeans, stick a shovel in your hands and get ready to get dirty! You can thank me later.
Let’s call a spade a spade
Gardening isn’t going to turn you into the World’s Greatest Lover overnight. (Sorry.) But it can
Reading that list, does that or does that not sound like the recipe for attraction?!
Still, it’s up to you to use your enhanced desirability for good. You’ve got all the equipment – but you still need to know how to use it!
Conclusion: Gardening is good news for your relationship
It’s a great way to calm down, to find joy again and to act as a tension-breaker after even the most epic of arguments. So if you and your significant other have been experiencing some problems, maybe give gardening a go. It’s definitely less costly than therapy and probably a lot more enjoyable, too!
In the meantime, have a think about what I said. Notice the ways in which getting down and dirty outside might help you to… well, you know what I mean!
Who knows? You might start reaping the rewards of your labour. And you might have found your favourite new hobby while you’re at it. 😉